Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
