K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
