thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
please don't ironically join a cult
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