and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
