She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
