I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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