When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
