Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
