your parents love me but you hate me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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