You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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