We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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