nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
