i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
