I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
