Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
