I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
