We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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