We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
