It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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