Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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