He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
