Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
