Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
