just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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