All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
