someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
