No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
