I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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