What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
