textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
