maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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