Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
