It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
