good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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