every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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