Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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