somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
