remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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