so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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