i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
