i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
