I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
