I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
