So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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