first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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