awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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