apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
