A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
