You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
