Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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