ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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