its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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