I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
