forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
