those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
